DIY blogs are not my calling. Although very fun, under pressure, not so much. I do know that I enjoy blogging about things that just come up. Here's a little bit about the 24 year old version of me:
I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Communication Studies. I have done absolutely nothing with it that I can say gives me a substantial amount of money. I serve tables for a living. I genuinely enjoy the restaurant environment. My co-workers would describe me as a happy person. I pride myself in my work ethic and my ability to strike up a conversation, big or small, with every person that works with me, every single day. I come from the most incredible people. I fucking kid you not, I look at my parents and I am amazed and honored to have been born to them. I was also raised with the most amazing human being, which is my brother. I don't know how to describe the love I have for my sibling but my brother is the most noble, kind-hearted, person you will ever meet. Don't get me wrong, he's not the Easter bunny either, he's also a badass mother fucker that will chomp you if needed.
I like to think that I am mostly happy. I'd say I'm happy 88% of the time. Sometimes I let thoughts cross my mind, I am human. I also think I'm always right, all the time. I also think that I should make all the decisions.
I became a runner about 2 years ago. I found myself dealing with a lot of anxiety. I would sit in class and chew all the skin around my finger nails. I would often start gagging, out of anxiety. I wouldn't vomit, I would just gag and gag and gag. Most importantly I felt extremely empty and mostly just sad all the time. I knew things weren't right in my head. I had all the built up stress from I don't know what the fuck and one day I decided that I needed to focus all my energy in something that made me feel empowered. It used to be singing. I used to focus all my energy in being the best singer I could be. I would practice for hours. I would stress out so much about competitions that I would make myself sick. That's all funny now.
Back to running. Running makes me feel whole. I feel like the woman I was raised to be after running 10+ miles. Although my parents aren't athletic, they are both incredibly mentally and physically strong. When I first started running, I couldn't run a quarter of a mile without needing a break. Now I think that 10k's are short runs. hahaha I continue to want to become a better runner every single day. Even if I'm not running, I'm reading, talking, or thinking about it. I have more workout clothes than regular clothes and I buy my favorite running shoes when I see them in fear that they stop making them one day.
I am OCD UP THE BUTT. I didn't realize my OCD tendencies until I started focusing on myself. After I got out of my last relationship I felt like I needed to regroup and find myself all over again. I started trying things that I thought I would never like. For example: country dancing, biking, running, taking jager bombs, and pecans... holy shit... trying pecans was life changing. I didn't know what life could be like with pecans and let me tell you that it's a lot more satisfying.
OCD TENDENCIES:
I count the seconds it takes to fill anything up. I lock my car three times, once when I get out, once when I get to my front door, and one more time when I am in my bedroom. I always touch the plate that is carried in my right hand twice before I take it to the table it belongs to. I bite the hell out of the skin around my nails. I have to smell what I drink before I drink it. I absolutely have to have something to drink, mostly water, if not I feel like I haven't had liquid in weeks and feel like I'm dying.
I am convinced in my head that I will be blind one day. I like to walk around my house with my eyes closed and try to learn my environment just in case. I also think I will lose my right hand one day, so I often practice writing with my left hand. I still, absolutely, enjoy the art of handwriting. Oh my goodness.
Which leads me to my romantic life. I don't look up to many marriages. I compare mostly everyone to my parents. You should see my parents love each other through times of peace, you should see them love each other when shit hits the fan. Regardless, my parent's love absolutely thrives. I am so grateful that my parents have a real relationship, but still love each other. I appreciate being raised in that kind of household. I can only compare the man I want to marry to my father and my brother who are the ultimate men to me. I want someone to love me as much as my father loves my mother, and my brother loves his Val.
So I'm hunting you know? I started this hunt since I was about 5 years old. I'm hopeful, but also very realistic. I'm probably going to be that old lady that finds the love of her life at 90 and dies at 91. Thankfully, I've never been the type of lady that needs a companion, I do bad all by myself, but I would most definitely enjoy high-fiving someone after a game of Gestures or eating chips with someone while they watch TV and I completely ignore it. I date a lot. I meet a lot of guys who sing that same song, "YOU'RE SO COOL, WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?" I'm single because you're boring as shit. I know what I bring to the table, and trust me your sardines do nothing for me. Smart guys, ugly guys, fat guys, short guys, tall guys, all that shit doesn't matter. At the end of the day, if you can hold a conversation with me, respond to the stupid shit that comes out my mouth, and understand that I value my family more than anything, I'll want to keep you around. When I want you around, that means something. I never want anyone around. I've had like 4 boyfriends. I've dated like 340958435 guys. You connect the dots.
My favorite part about me is that I want to live so bad. I find that I live in different ways. I find sitting across my grandparents and getting to know them past the whole "grandma/grandpa" relationship absolutely fulfilling. I find happiness in bowl full of stale crackers. I laugh at my own jokes. I kiss all the babies. I drink all the beers. I buy all the underwear. Hoping to expand my living through traveling. I know there is life beyond, school, job, marriage, grow old, die... I THRIVE when I push my body to its absolute limits. God graced me with this healthy body and I feel so alive when I take it out to do things like running.
I absolutely never want to be rich. I never want to live in a house that I never have time to actually live in or is too big for me to clean. I never want my kids to have new cars. I never want my kids to think that they have the luxury of not working. I don't ever want a fancy car. I never want to own a purse that costs more than my car payment. I find that there are bigger things. I want my children to know me. I want my children to know their grandparents. I want them to understand that there are far more important things in this world than pieces of paper that define who you are. There is a beauty that comes with that mentality.
Oh, and I absolutely love gummy bears. If you take anything from today.. gummy bears.
